Friday, October 14, 2005
What I Like About You
As some of you may know if you've read the other comments from my last post, my friend Sarah gave me a challenge to write down a list of things I like abaout myself. And yes, I intentionally used the word "challenge".
The old saying goes, "No one will love you if you don't love yourself first". Well, that's BS, cause people like me.......But, I seem to be having trouble with this list. I get told by some that I need to change things, like hairstyle, wardrobe, etc. Which leads me to question my attractiveness as is. So, I don't know if I like how I look. I like that I'm nice to people. Hell, sometimes I wish more people were as nice as me. There are too many jerks in the world. But, I've also been told that I'm a pushover. Well, ok 'pushover' was my word. But I've had people agree. I know why other people like me. Amanda & Joanna made me a list of 60 things they like about me. Mind you, some of them were superficial or silly. Example: #30. Doesn't meow or bite like Ziggy. So I'm not like the cat. That's not something that's exactly endearing to all. Besides, I do bite sometimes. (hotcha!) #37. Looks good in purple and olive green. (no, not together silly) I have a green shirt that I guess looks alright on me. And yeah, my suit's purple. And I do look pretty good in it. I kinda clean up well. But I dunno if that's something that belongs on my list. I'm a good listener. That's something that I've always liked about myself. It's less fun when no one's willing to listen to you tho. (I have plenty of 'listeners' now tho) I like my sense of humour. As stupid, goofy, and childlike as it is, I like it. But, I guess I do get annoying sometimes. I tend to be really hyper. I'm a big bundle of energy. That's fun. But, again, it annoys people. I've been told more than once to "calm down".
I guess a lot of it comes down to me thinking too much about what other people think of me. But that's the way I've always been. I always wanted to fit in. I've more or less moved past that but now, when I just try to be me, I constantly get critisized for it. Then I feel like I dress like a slob and have shitty hair. (those are just a couple of examples)
It's not like I hate myself. I'd never go that far. But there seems to be very little about myself that I really, genuinely like. At least without being able to put a negative spin on it.
I am Jeff's crippling negativity.
I am Jeff's cuddles. (I'm a good cuddle partner, so I've been told)
I am Jeff's ever-listening ear.
I am Jeff's shoulder, ready to be cried on.
I am Jeff's selflessness.
I am Jeff's self doubt.
I am Jeff's inability to say 'no'.
I am Jeff's wicked rockstar pose.
I am Jeff's poor video game playage.
I am Jeff's steadily broken, yet always mended heart.
I am Jeff's maturity, still feeling far too young for my years.
I am Jeff's horrible sense of direction.
I am, once again, Jeff's heart, which falls far too easily.
I am Jeff's genuine smile, whom you don't get to see very often.
I am Jeff's loneliness.
See, this was a mixture of things I like and dislike about myself. Why? Because it's all a part of me. I could mention all the good. (which was the point of this after all) But that doesn't take away all the bad. See, the things I like most about myself, aren't about myself. They're the feelings I have for other people. The feeling I have when I'm talking to Andrea online. Maybe helping her with a problem, letting her rant about something that pissed her off, or just being my usual "goofball" self. The feeling I get when I cuddle with Joanna. Knowing that I have someone close to me who cares about me. (even if it's not "in that way") The feeling I have when Amanda and me have one of our sippin' tea kinda talks. The feeling I get when I crack a joke that makes everyone else laugh. (instead of just look at me all weird) The feeling I get just hanging out with the guys. (Something that doesn't happen too often anymore) These are the things that I like.
The thing that I like most about me, is my ability to make others happy.
I would be nothing if it weren't for my friends. The people who care about me, love me, and who would do most anything for me. And, when I can make them smile, whether it be with a joke, a cuddle, or just by listening, I would do it in a heartbeat. Does that make me "too nice"? Maybe, but I don't care. Seeing my friends happy, makes me happy.
Peace
The old saying goes, "No one will love you if you don't love yourself first". Well, that's BS, cause people like me.......But, I seem to be having trouble with this list. I get told by some that I need to change things, like hairstyle, wardrobe, etc. Which leads me to question my attractiveness as is. So, I don't know if I like how I look. I like that I'm nice to people. Hell, sometimes I wish more people were as nice as me. There are too many jerks in the world. But, I've also been told that I'm a pushover. Well, ok 'pushover' was my word. But I've had people agree. I know why other people like me. Amanda & Joanna made me a list of 60 things they like about me. Mind you, some of them were superficial or silly. Example: #30. Doesn't meow or bite like Ziggy. So I'm not like the cat. That's not something that's exactly endearing to all. Besides, I do bite sometimes. (hotcha!) #37. Looks good in purple and olive green. (no, not together silly) I have a green shirt that I guess looks alright on me. And yeah, my suit's purple. And I do look pretty good in it. I kinda clean up well. But I dunno if that's something that belongs on my list. I'm a good listener. That's something that I've always liked about myself. It's less fun when no one's willing to listen to you tho. (I have plenty of 'listeners' now tho) I like my sense of humour. As stupid, goofy, and childlike as it is, I like it. But, I guess I do get annoying sometimes. I tend to be really hyper. I'm a big bundle of energy. That's fun. But, again, it annoys people. I've been told more than once to "calm down".
I guess a lot of it comes down to me thinking too much about what other people think of me. But that's the way I've always been. I always wanted to fit in. I've more or less moved past that but now, when I just try to be me, I constantly get critisized for it. Then I feel like I dress like a slob and have shitty hair. (those are just a couple of examples)
It's not like I hate myself. I'd never go that far. But there seems to be very little about myself that I really, genuinely like. At least without being able to put a negative spin on it.
I am Jeff's crippling negativity.
I am Jeff's cuddles. (I'm a good cuddle partner, so I've been told)
I am Jeff's ever-listening ear.
I am Jeff's shoulder, ready to be cried on.
I am Jeff's selflessness.
I am Jeff's self doubt.
I am Jeff's inability to say 'no'.
I am Jeff's wicked rockstar pose.
I am Jeff's poor video game playage.
I am Jeff's steadily broken, yet always mended heart.
I am Jeff's maturity, still feeling far too young for my years.
I am Jeff's horrible sense of direction.
I am, once again, Jeff's heart, which falls far too easily.
I am Jeff's genuine smile, whom you don't get to see very often.
I am Jeff's loneliness.
See, this was a mixture of things I like and dislike about myself. Why? Because it's all a part of me. I could mention all the good. (which was the point of this after all) But that doesn't take away all the bad. See, the things I like most about myself, aren't about myself. They're the feelings I have for other people. The feeling I have when I'm talking to Andrea online. Maybe helping her with a problem, letting her rant about something that pissed her off, or just being my usual "goofball" self. The feeling I get when I cuddle with Joanna. Knowing that I have someone close to me who cares about me. (even if it's not "in that way") The feeling I have when Amanda and me have one of our sippin' tea kinda talks. The feeling I get when I crack a joke that makes everyone else laugh. (instead of just look at me all weird) The feeling I get just hanging out with the guys. (Something that doesn't happen too often anymore) These are the things that I like.
The thing that I like most about me, is my ability to make others happy.
I would be nothing if it weren't for my friends. The people who care about me, love me, and who would do most anything for me. And, when I can make them smile, whether it be with a joke, a cuddle, or just by listening, I would do it in a heartbeat. Does that make me "too nice"? Maybe, but I don't care. Seeing my friends happy, makes me happy.
Peace
