Sunday, August 28, 2005
Somewhere I Belong
Ok, so before I begin what is bound to be one of my biggest posts to date, I'd like to apologize for not posting for the last month. It's not that I didn't have interesting things to talk about, such as my friend Jessie visiting from Michigan, or getting a new full time job. But, I knew that I was going to be posting this present entry, and I wanted it to be sort of special, so I waited too long. What can I say, I hesitated. Secondly, as I stated above, this is bound to be my longest entry yet. But, please be patient and read it. It's much appreciated. Maybe your name will be mentioned.
Now then, the reason for the title. "Why pick a Linkin Park song?" you may ask. Well, a little more than a year ago (we'll say a year and a half, just to be safe) I had that song running through my mind. See, I was 25, single (fresh off getting dumped), living with my parents, working the graveyard shift at a Super C (that's a grocery store chain in case you don't know) in a very small town, in which I had very few friends. I know what you're thinking. But no, the honey's weren't beating down my door. I mean, hello...graveyard shift, mid-twenties still living with my parents, what more does a girl need? So, this song related to me. I didn't belong in Pembroke anymore. I needed to be where I did belong. Where I could be happy. So, that song became my mantra. My moto if you will. So, where could I belong? Where could I be happy?. That place was Windsor Ontario. That's right, the dirty W, as my friend Shorty calls it. See, my best friend Adam was going to university in Windsor, so I thought, "I'll move there and hang with him." Unfortuneately, he's since moved back home....which isn't Windsor. (the big shit) But that's ok, because I've met a lot of friends here. But, I'm getting ahead of myself.
See, I wanted to take this opportunity to reflect on what my life would be like if I had stayed in Pembroke. As I had said, I had a couple friends. So, maybe I would have moved out, maybe not. I'm sure if I did, it wouldn't have been until I found a better job. I mean, Super C wasn't a horrible job, but it wouldn't have covered all my bills I'm sure. So, I'm guessing my life would have stayed pretty miserable had I not moved. So, I'm glad I did. Another curiosity though, is what if I had moved...but not to the dirty W? I didn't really tell too many people this, but I was really strongly considering moving to North Bay. One of my sisters lives in North Bay, along with my good friend Ray. Plus, there's a wrestling school there that is much more affordable than the Can-Am Wrestling School here in Windsor. But, ultimately, I decided against it. I could use any number of excuses like, "Ray's my friend and all, but could I stand to live with him?" Truth be told, the answer to that is probably yes. He's a good guy. I could have also said "What if there are no jobs in North Bay?" But really, the reason I didn't pick North Bay is because it was a "safe" choice. North Bay had my sister, and it was only 2 hours away from Pembroke and my folks. I was also strongly considering Kingston. I have quite a few friends there, most of which probably don't know how close I was to moving there. In fact, the only reason I didn't is because Kingston is only about 3 hours away from Pembroke. Another "safe" choice. Plus, most of my Kingston friends were going to be leaving for school. No, if I was going to leave home, if I was going to "grow up" it had to be all or nothing. So, as I crossed the city line, I rolled down my window and yelled, "HEY WINDSOR! I'M JEFF DEHAAN AND I'M HERE TO KICK YOUR ASS!!!" I then spent the next 6-8 months having my ass handed to me time and again by the city of Windsor. But I didn't tap out. I didn't give up. Despite having shit job after shit job. Let's see.....3 factory jobs, a warehouse job which had me working at even more factories, I worked at a Zellers (graveyard shift), I cleaned up an oil spill, got a keyholder (kind of an assistant assistant manager) position at a Dollarama...and was fired a week shy of 3 months later. They said it was because I left the safe open overnight. But I know they fired me because of my views on 'Nam....that and I was stealing projectors. Despite living in a slanted, overpriced, under-maintained house. Despite not finding a single woman in Windsor that wasn't a bar or club chick, that would want to go out with me. Despite all that, I'm here, and I'm happy.
I have met so many people that I wouldn't have met had I not moved here. People like the Windsor wrestlers. Both Backyard and professional. Chazy (ok, so I met you before I moved), Brad (Rage), Dan (Pudge), Holler (aka Chris aka Chad), Ian (Shorty), C0-V (Covey), Brian (Timebomb), and a ton of others, but I only have so much space. Sorry guys. You know who you are.
I've met a lot of great people. One who deserves a mention all on his own is Cannibal Cirk. (pronounced "Kirk" but doesn't the double C thing just look nifty?) He's one person I know I can count on. He's always looked out for me from day one. He's the hardest working man I know. I have a ton of respect for him. Probably more than he knows.
Other honorable mentions are my current roommates, Amanda & Tristen. I wasn't sure what to expect moving in with them. I mean, #1 I'd be living with a couple. And being that I had been, and still am, single I wasn't sure if I'd feel like a third wheel. Also, #2 I wasn't sure how it would work since I didn't know either of them really well. I had hung out with Amanda some, but had only met Tristen once prior to moving in. See, I was living with Adam and a guy named John before that. Things didn't go well. John and I sort of parted ways after I moved out. I personally think he turned into a jerk. But that's just me. I am a little saddened though. Him and I had had some cool times hanging out. Also in that house, I wound up at Adam's throat and vice versa a couple of times. Didn't help that Adam and myself were sharing a room, not just the roof over our heads. Not enough space and just not fun. But all's well now that we're all out of that house. So, I wasn't sure if Amanda, Tristen and myself would get along. Was I ever wrong. We have gotten along great. We're like family. Tristen's a great guy. We get along and revel in each other's geekery. (He's a role-playing game guy, and I am too as well as a comic geek, etc) And Amanda, I have learned so much from her. From having a deeper appreciation for David Bowie, to her introducing me to Wicca. I've learned a lot in the year that I've been here. But most of it, I learned in the last 5 months. And I have Amanda to thank for it. Thank you my Wiccan sister.
Speaking of Wiccan sisters, Joanna. She's a great spirit to be around. I absolutely adore her. If nothing else, Joanna has taught me to feel better about myself. This may not be a long blurb, but that shouldn't detract from what she means to me. Thank you.
Another quick shout out to someone I probably wouldn't have met had I not moved to Windsor is Andrea. Ah my little Drea. Funny thing is, she doesn't live in Windsor. She lives in the Toronto area. I met her online. See, I never had the net at home. (damn parents and their fear of technology!) So, I probably wouldn't have found the forum where we met had I not moved here. But she's a sweetheart nonetheless and can always cheer me up when I'm down. One of a kind Drea, one of a kind.
Another nice plus to moving to Windsor has been volunteering for Border City Wrestling. Which sadly, I may not be able to do as much with my new job. I have met a ton of cool people through it. Like El Reverso, Tim Titan, Eddie Venom, CK3, and a ton of others. My fellow volunteers as well. But, one of the coolest things about BCW, is getting to meet wrestlers like Chris Sabin, Petey Williams, Bobby Roode, and a whole host of other NWA-TNA stars. I have also had the pleasure of meeting Jimmy Hart (the nicest man in pro wrestling), Mick Foley, Bret Hart, and one of my idols, Raven. And of course, the man who has become a bad influence on me (Cannibal knows what I mean) Sabu. I've come to realize that (especially thanks to Sabu), the pedistal shouldn't be so high. These people are, just that, real people. Yeah, they're on TV every week. They've travelled around the world. But they are still no different than you and me, even though some may act like it. A lot of them are still humble and don't have an ego.
An old friend of mine, Leigh-Ann, from high school who I sadly have lost touch with, used to say, "Better to take a chance than to lose a chance." Well, I'm entirely grateful that I took this chance. As I said, I wasn't happy anymore in Pembroke. I probably would have been miserable if I stayed. I mean sure, Windsor hasn't been perfect. The whole 7 months I lived in that first house, I didn't once pay rent on time. I've had to live off of my VISA's when between jobs, which has subsequently sent them both up to over $700 a piece. I've had times when I couldn't afford to take care of my car. (as it stands, I'm way past due for an oil change) I've moved to a city probably more than double the size of Pembroke, but I'm still single. But you know what? That's life. And I've lived. What's life without a few scares? It isn't really living if you're always "playing it safe". Now, I've got a full time job. A factory job yes, but it pays the bills. And in time, will pay off my credit cards. Hell, I'll be able to afford new glasses. (The crazy glue on my current ones is getting old. Man I'm pathetic. Heh.)
So, to all of you, my loyal readers and friends (you'd have to be loyal to read this far) all I can tell you is to live. Take a chance from time to time. True, it may not pay off. It may make things worse for you. But it will make you stronger. You will get nowhere playing it safe, or being a "yes man" all of your life. So take risks, take chances, and LIVE YOUR LIFE.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go and kick Windsor's ass.
Jeff
Now then, the reason for the title. "Why pick a Linkin Park song?" you may ask. Well, a little more than a year ago (we'll say a year and a half, just to be safe) I had that song running through my mind. See, I was 25, single (fresh off getting dumped), living with my parents, working the graveyard shift at a Super C (that's a grocery store chain in case you don't know) in a very small town, in which I had very few friends. I know what you're thinking. But no, the honey's weren't beating down my door. I mean, hello...graveyard shift, mid-twenties still living with my parents, what more does a girl need? So, this song related to me. I didn't belong in Pembroke anymore. I needed to be where I did belong. Where I could be happy. So, that song became my mantra. My moto if you will. So, where could I belong? Where could I be happy?. That place was Windsor Ontario. That's right, the dirty W, as my friend Shorty calls it. See, my best friend Adam was going to university in Windsor, so I thought, "I'll move there and hang with him." Unfortuneately, he's since moved back home....which isn't Windsor. (the big shit) But that's ok, because I've met a lot of friends here. But, I'm getting ahead of myself.
See, I wanted to take this opportunity to reflect on what my life would be like if I had stayed in Pembroke. As I had said, I had a couple friends. So, maybe I would have moved out, maybe not. I'm sure if I did, it wouldn't have been until I found a better job. I mean, Super C wasn't a horrible job, but it wouldn't have covered all my bills I'm sure. So, I'm guessing my life would have stayed pretty miserable had I not moved. So, I'm glad I did. Another curiosity though, is what if I had moved...but not to the dirty W? I didn't really tell too many people this, but I was really strongly considering moving to North Bay. One of my sisters lives in North Bay, along with my good friend Ray. Plus, there's a wrestling school there that is much more affordable than the Can-Am Wrestling School here in Windsor. But, ultimately, I decided against it. I could use any number of excuses like, "Ray's my friend and all, but could I stand to live with him?" Truth be told, the answer to that is probably yes. He's a good guy. I could have also said "What if there are no jobs in North Bay?" But really, the reason I didn't pick North Bay is because it was a "safe" choice. North Bay had my sister, and it was only 2 hours away from Pembroke and my folks. I was also strongly considering Kingston. I have quite a few friends there, most of which probably don't know how close I was to moving there. In fact, the only reason I didn't is because Kingston is only about 3 hours away from Pembroke. Another "safe" choice. Plus, most of my Kingston friends were going to be leaving for school. No, if I was going to leave home, if I was going to "grow up" it had to be all or nothing. So, as I crossed the city line, I rolled down my window and yelled, "HEY WINDSOR! I'M JEFF DEHAAN AND I'M HERE TO KICK YOUR ASS!!!" I then spent the next 6-8 months having my ass handed to me time and again by the city of Windsor. But I didn't tap out. I didn't give up. Despite having shit job after shit job. Let's see.....3 factory jobs, a warehouse job which had me working at even more factories, I worked at a Zellers (graveyard shift), I cleaned up an oil spill, got a keyholder (kind of an assistant assistant manager) position at a Dollarama...and was fired a week shy of 3 months later. They said it was because I left the safe open overnight. But I know they fired me because of my views on 'Nam....that and I was stealing projectors. Despite living in a slanted, overpriced, under-maintained house. Despite not finding a single woman in Windsor that wasn't a bar or club chick, that would want to go out with me. Despite all that, I'm here, and I'm happy.
I have met so many people that I wouldn't have met had I not moved here. People like the Windsor wrestlers. Both Backyard and professional. Chazy (ok, so I met you before I moved), Brad (Rage), Dan (Pudge), Holler (aka Chris aka Chad), Ian (Shorty), C0-V (Covey), Brian (Timebomb), and a ton of others, but I only have so much space. Sorry guys. You know who you are.
I've met a lot of great people. One who deserves a mention all on his own is Cannibal Cirk. (pronounced "Kirk" but doesn't the double C thing just look nifty?) He's one person I know I can count on. He's always looked out for me from day one. He's the hardest working man I know. I have a ton of respect for him. Probably more than he knows.
Other honorable mentions are my current roommates, Amanda & Tristen. I wasn't sure what to expect moving in with them. I mean, #1 I'd be living with a couple. And being that I had been, and still am, single I wasn't sure if I'd feel like a third wheel. Also, #2 I wasn't sure how it would work since I didn't know either of them really well. I had hung out with Amanda some, but had only met Tristen once prior to moving in. See, I was living with Adam and a guy named John before that. Things didn't go well. John and I sort of parted ways after I moved out. I personally think he turned into a jerk. But that's just me. I am a little saddened though. Him and I had had some cool times hanging out. Also in that house, I wound up at Adam's throat and vice versa a couple of times. Didn't help that Adam and myself were sharing a room, not just the roof over our heads. Not enough space and just not fun. But all's well now that we're all out of that house. So, I wasn't sure if Amanda, Tristen and myself would get along. Was I ever wrong. We have gotten along great. We're like family. Tristen's a great guy. We get along and revel in each other's geekery. (He's a role-playing game guy, and I am too as well as a comic geek, etc) And Amanda, I have learned so much from her. From having a deeper appreciation for David Bowie, to her introducing me to Wicca. I've learned a lot in the year that I've been here. But most of it, I learned in the last 5 months. And I have Amanda to thank for it. Thank you my Wiccan sister.
Speaking of Wiccan sisters, Joanna. She's a great spirit to be around. I absolutely adore her. If nothing else, Joanna has taught me to feel better about myself. This may not be a long blurb, but that shouldn't detract from what she means to me. Thank you.
Another quick shout out to someone I probably wouldn't have met had I not moved to Windsor is Andrea. Ah my little Drea. Funny thing is, she doesn't live in Windsor. She lives in the Toronto area. I met her online. See, I never had the net at home. (damn parents and their fear of technology!) So, I probably wouldn't have found the forum where we met had I not moved here. But she's a sweetheart nonetheless and can always cheer me up when I'm down. One of a kind Drea, one of a kind.
Another nice plus to moving to Windsor has been volunteering for Border City Wrestling. Which sadly, I may not be able to do as much with my new job. I have met a ton of cool people through it. Like El Reverso, Tim Titan, Eddie Venom, CK3, and a ton of others. My fellow volunteers as well. But, one of the coolest things about BCW, is getting to meet wrestlers like Chris Sabin, Petey Williams, Bobby Roode, and a whole host of other NWA-TNA stars. I have also had the pleasure of meeting Jimmy Hart (the nicest man in pro wrestling), Mick Foley, Bret Hart, and one of my idols, Raven. And of course, the man who has become a bad influence on me (Cannibal knows what I mean) Sabu. I've come to realize that (especially thanks to Sabu), the pedistal shouldn't be so high. These people are, just that, real people. Yeah, they're on TV every week. They've travelled around the world. But they are still no different than you and me, even though some may act like it. A lot of them are still humble and don't have an ego.
An old friend of mine, Leigh-Ann, from high school who I sadly have lost touch with, used to say, "Better to take a chance than to lose a chance." Well, I'm entirely grateful that I took this chance. As I said, I wasn't happy anymore in Pembroke. I probably would have been miserable if I stayed. I mean sure, Windsor hasn't been perfect. The whole 7 months I lived in that first house, I didn't once pay rent on time. I've had to live off of my VISA's when between jobs, which has subsequently sent them both up to over $700 a piece. I've had times when I couldn't afford to take care of my car. (as it stands, I'm way past due for an oil change) I've moved to a city probably more than double the size of Pembroke, but I'm still single. But you know what? That's life. And I've lived. What's life without a few scares? It isn't really living if you're always "playing it safe". Now, I've got a full time job. A factory job yes, but it pays the bills. And in time, will pay off my credit cards. Hell, I'll be able to afford new glasses. (The crazy glue on my current ones is getting old. Man I'm pathetic. Heh.)
So, to all of you, my loyal readers and friends (you'd have to be loyal to read this far) all I can tell you is to live. Take a chance from time to time. True, it may not pay off. It may make things worse for you. But it will make you stronger. You will get nowhere playing it safe, or being a "yes man" all of your life. So take risks, take chances, and LIVE YOUR LIFE.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go and kick Windsor's ass.
Jeff
