Thursday, July 28, 2005
Romance, The Other White Meat
As I sit here with the cat on my lap, I look down at her want for affection. Not because of who I am, but simply because she's been by herself for a lot of the day. Admittingly, this has nothing to do really with the subject matter of todays entry. I just like the cat, and it's rare that she shows affection to me. Usually it's in a case just like this, I'm the only option. It's 'look to Jeff for affection or don't get petted at all'. Ah, the life of a cat. I'm envious. But, I digress.
The topic of today is romance & relationships. I've been thinking a lot about these two things as of late. Mostly because, in the last week, three of my friends have ended relationships, either mutually or dumping, or getting dumped. And seeing this happen to my friends, and not be able to really do anything to help, aside from the customary shoulder to cry on, kinda sucks. I don't like it when my friends are down in the dumps. But, seeing this happen to the people around me has caused me to look at my past relationships.
See, I've come to realize that with the low self esteem I had, if I found out a girl liked me, and I kinda liked her, I went for it. Problem being, back then, I'm not sure if I really knew the difference between liking a girl, and "liking" a girl. I probably still don't. I mean hell, there's girls I like now, but which "like" is it? It's frustrating. It doesn't help that there's always extenuating circumstances that get in the way too. Like, "what'll this do to our friendship" or "It's just too long distance". The fact that I'm a big ol' fraidy-cat when it comes to talking to a girl about my feelings doesn't help either.
However, I have noticed one thing. There is pretty much nothing that links my ex's together. Not one common trait, aside from maybe hair color. I mean, a couple of them were kinda the quiet type, but not all of them. Realizing this led me to wonder, what is my type? I really don't know. I mean, I know qualities or traits that I like, but none of my old girlfriends embodied many of them. It can be a rather confusing entity this "love" thing.
Another thing I've come to terms with is being single. I always hated being single. Alone. But, I haven't had a girlfriend in nearly 2 years. (I think it's three months shy of two years, right now) And in that time, hell mostly in the last 2 or 3 months, I've really stared to figure out who I am. I'm more than some chicks boyfriend. I'm begining to see what I really want out of a relationship. And more than anything, I now know that it's OK to be alone. To have some 'me time'.
So, I'm in no hurry. Am I lonely? Yeah, a little. I mean, I do still miss being in a relationship. But it'll all work out. Bottom line is, I don't want to jump into anything unprepared. I mean sure that can be fun an' all, but I'm sick of things being the same. But, most importantly right now, I'm happy. YAY Me!!!!!!!
OK, so whether you wanted to here about my feelings on love and relationships, you got it anyways. But, if you've read this far, then maybe you did want to know how I feel. (awww)
Til next time friends.
The topic of today is romance & relationships. I've been thinking a lot about these two things as of late. Mostly because, in the last week, three of my friends have ended relationships, either mutually or dumping, or getting dumped. And seeing this happen to my friends, and not be able to really do anything to help, aside from the customary shoulder to cry on, kinda sucks. I don't like it when my friends are down in the dumps. But, seeing this happen to the people around me has caused me to look at my past relationships.
See, I've come to realize that with the low self esteem I had, if I found out a girl liked me, and I kinda liked her, I went for it. Problem being, back then, I'm not sure if I really knew the difference between liking a girl, and "liking" a girl. I probably still don't. I mean hell, there's girls I like now, but which "like" is it? It's frustrating. It doesn't help that there's always extenuating circumstances that get in the way too. Like, "what'll this do to our friendship" or "It's just too long distance". The fact that I'm a big ol' fraidy-cat when it comes to talking to a girl about my feelings doesn't help either.
However, I have noticed one thing. There is pretty much nothing that links my ex's together. Not one common trait, aside from maybe hair color. I mean, a couple of them were kinda the quiet type, but not all of them. Realizing this led me to wonder, what is my type? I really don't know. I mean, I know qualities or traits that I like, but none of my old girlfriends embodied many of them. It can be a rather confusing entity this "love" thing.
Another thing I've come to terms with is being single. I always hated being single. Alone. But, I haven't had a girlfriend in nearly 2 years. (I think it's three months shy of two years, right now) And in that time, hell mostly in the last 2 or 3 months, I've really stared to figure out who I am. I'm more than some chicks boyfriend. I'm begining to see what I really want out of a relationship. And more than anything, I now know that it's OK to be alone. To have some 'me time'.
So, I'm in no hurry. Am I lonely? Yeah, a little. I mean, I do still miss being in a relationship. But it'll all work out. Bottom line is, I don't want to jump into anything unprepared. I mean sure that can be fun an' all, but I'm sick of things being the same. But, most importantly right now, I'm happy. YAY Me!!!!!!!
OK, so whether you wanted to here about my feelings on love and relationships, you got it anyways. But, if you've read this far, then maybe you did want to know how I feel. (awww)
Til next time friends.
